Blog Standard

What better subject to prompt a return to observation of the singular curse of the Maltese commentator than the new-look Times of Malta web site and its cringe-worthily incompetent embrace of modernity in the form of its in-house blogs.
The shared blandness of the three slots on offer makes it unfair to single out any of the writers for scorn, but fairness has never been Fool Cap’s bag and the eight-month hiatus has done nothing to remedy that.
In the delusional stakes, the egomania displayed by self-appointed rock star Ira Losco is of a rare and almost heart-rending quality.
On Nov. 16, as news emerged that the casualty rate from the cyclone in Bangladesh rose above 1,100 victims, Losco regales what she imagines to be her adoring readers with a quite literally somnolent account of getting up in the morning.

“Contrary to the misconception of many, I do have to wake up as early as possible to fit in a ridiculous amount of work in a day and quite frankly 24 hours are definitely not enough anymore!”

Because Losco is writing a blog, however, she can be afforded the kind of juddering non sequitir that almost any editor worth their salt would iron out, and before too long she is verbally consoling those less fortunate than her. Unlike Jennifer Lopez, she truly has not left the block, and is eager to let people know that runaway success in Malta and a not entirely disastrous showing at the Eurovision song contest has not gone to her head. In prose as crippled as the children she must weekly visit in one of the local orphanages, her compassion shines through:

“Every story is heart wrenching and sometimes incredulous, it is a clear depiction of the struggle of certain members in our society today.”

Exactly one week later (a coincidence of timing that could prompt the irremediably cynical to suggest the blog thing is nothing more than a thinly disguised column), Losco changes tack altogether and adopts the sassy guise of the perennially football-flummoxed chick. But because she’s not a chick, right, she’s a woman, yeah, she comes with a Spectrum-installable attitude straight out of Woman’s Own circa 1989:

“It's a bit like trying to explain the toilet seat rule to a man, get my drift?”

Yeah, ‘cause the men keep pissing all over the toilet seat, yeah?
This mentally offensive inanity is all fine and well, but where does it leave the Times’ apparent new remit to engage with the reader. The hoary old columnists that normally contribute to the paper are at least invigoratingly lunatic in their ramblings, which is more than can be said for the insipid non-views of Losco’s piss-poor offerings. What editorial meeting resulted in this barely literate singer acquiring her own platform to air her vapid views and flog whatever supposed career she has going for herself?
In belated recognition of the format’s interactive faculty, the latest post is adorned with craven comments of praise that would have made even Kim Il Jong blush with embarrassment. And, if the first few weeks are anything to go by, it is unlikely that the content of any of the Times’ blogs will allow reader input to rise anywhere above this sheep-like monotony.
The Guardian, which has lead the way in creating a format that allows for genuinely enlightening and vigorous exchanges, named its interactive opinion page after a quote from a celebrated essay by its legendary former editor, C.P. Snow in which he noted that “comment is free, but facts are sacred.”
How very different from The Times, where comments are worthless and facts are scarce.