Dali M for Murder

Now, many people may dismiss David Casa as little more than crashing dunderhead of negligible importance and mental acuity, but his contribution to keeping our religious heritage at the forefront of our lives is surely second to none.
In this frenetic, modern world that we inhabit, what should be a daily habit of praying tribute to the baby Jesus, our Lord and saviour, and his saintly virgin mother often becomes the first casualty of venal, day-to-day endeavors.
But never fear, it’s Thursday and David Casa is here. This week, he devotes his routine bombastic claim of Maltese greatness to the earth-shattering news that the country has victoriously swept aside EU titans Cyprus and Bulgaria to claim its title as host of something called the European Asylum Support Office.
In characteristic fashion, he doesn’t deign to actually inform the reader of what this nebulous agency might actually do remotely anywhere near the top of the article, but he does indulge in an unseemly gale of verbal high-fives and Jerry Springer-style whooping. Read on and get the rosary beads out:

“Gaining the right to host the EASO comes after months of negotiation, excellent teamwork and coordination between the Ministry of Home Affairs and the Maltese Representation to the European Union in Brussels. The lobbying and the huge effort that every official involved in this project made have given us thisprestigious seat. Hats off to those who made all this happen; these are people who, unlike us politicians, are rarely mentioned and are never in the limelight, but I think that their work and unconditional commitment should be lauded as they are the ones who make Malta stand out and they are the ones without whom we would never dream of being in the position we are now.”

Jesus Christ, Mary, Joseph and all the saints!
It is mystifying that so many people should have written indignant letters to the paper about how unsuspecting youths could have accidentally picked up the small circulation university magazine containing Alex Vella Gera’s sexually explicit story, but that nobody bats an eyelid at this rancid, stomach-turning display of self-love in the country’s most influential newspaper. There are specialist publications for what is going on in this article, and they can usually be found in Hamburg sex shops.
Once the reader has recovered from the bout of dry-heaving over the Corn Flakes, they are at liberty to read on and discover what exactly this EASO does anyway:

“Malta in the centre of the Mediterranean will indeed be the most excellent location to better understand the phenomena that have caused immigration to soar in these last few years. The setting up of this agency will enable us to share ideas and act more quickly and effectively.”

Christ on a bike!
This kind of vapid flimflam sounds like it belongs in a television advert for washing machines and does woefully little to enlighten anybody as to what this thing actually does. It is hard to know whether Casa acts out of a lack of political acumen or some implausible scruples in failing to spell out what this body is actually for, namely (to slightly amend his description): “The setting up of this agency will enable us to share [immigrants] and act more quickly and effectively.”
Anyway, let Simon Busuttil deal with all boring “explaining stuff to people.” Casa has more gushing to do:

“Events and achievements like these are significant for our country. They are steps in the right direction, towards achieving the goal of a Europe that is equal but diverse, a Europe where the standard of living is the same throughout, where the conditions of work offer our workforce peace of mind; a Europe that is greener and, thus, the air is cleaner than it is now and, at the same time, a Europe that does not lose its traditional roots even at national level; a Europe that will still keep the same values that our forefathers fought for, the traditions that each single town or village has and the dialect that even the citizens of the smallest hamlet speak. It took 500 years of war and bloodbaths to have the Union we have now.”

Holy Mary, mother of God!
It is purely an accident of fate that Casa was born when and where he was, because it is frightening to think what would have happened if he had fallen under the spell of American cult leader Jim Jones. The image of him stampeding towards a big jug of Kool-Aid springs to mind.
“A Europe that is equal but diverse?” Equal to what, exactly?
“A Europe that is greener and, thus, the air is cleaner than it is now?” Jesus H. Christ.
“It took 500 years of war and bloodbaths to have the Union we have now?” Please God, make it stop.
Bored with this thoroughly inconsequential political onanism, he then turned his sights to voluptuous proposition of John Dalli (or Dali, as he misspells it on first reference, failing even to get his sickening sycophancy right).

“I again congratulate him and give him my word I won't be too tough during his grilling session at the European Parliament!”

Again, Jesus Christ! Grilling? A spit roast seems more likely.