"I would like to say well done to the mayor of Gzira, Albert Rizzo, for doing his utmost to keep the Gzira Strand free of dog excrement."The curious image of Rizzo personally walking around Gzira forking up turds with a swordstick is only superseded by the subsequent behaviour attributed to the local council by Mangion:
"However, what has been removed from the Strand has now been transferred to the side streets of Gzira, in particular the shortest street in the area, namely Sir Henry Bouverie Street, corner with lower St Albert Street and corner with Fleet Street."Analise Cassar Farrugia of Qawra makes a seamless transition from talking about crap to talking crap with a censorious traducement of Maltese parents:
"I hope that ... parents of these children are made aware of the risks and dangers that an under-age child can face in areas intended for the entertainment of mature patrons."By referring to "under-age children", Cassar Farrugia is presumably adopting the kind of high-handed moralism that alienates parents from their offspring. At any rate, I don't know what she means by mature patrons, but I can't say I've seen many around Paceville.
John Catania of San Gwann makes a not unreasonable argument for using the Maltese cross on the euro, though he is fatally let down by what is an obviously overworked and under-qualified letter editor, who chose to attach the title "Pope for euro". Aside from the fact that this sounds more like an electoral slogan than a headline, it completely misrepresents Catania's only slightly pious views:
"I do not see anything wrong in promoting our Christian roots even if the message were to be carried through our coinage, but we could retain our Christian image if we copied the Vatican's euro coins, which carry the image of the Pope, our shepherd, and simply insert the Maltese eight-pointed cross to differentiate. This way others stand to follow."British reader Ray Boulton wins the prize for the most pointless letter of the day. Though the award would not be wholly deserved as if ever there was a man holding out for a discount then here he is:
"Once again we have decided to return to Malta, and specifically to the St George's Complex in St Julians. We return because we have always enjoyed our time among friendly staff who seem to go out of their way to ensure we have a most pleasant holiday. I would also like to mention the Eros newsagents who are also extremely customer friendly."So that's two weeks accommodation half price and free copies of the Daily Mail fom Eros if you please. I'm more of a Phoenicia man myself. And have I ever said how fond I am of Sterling Jewellers of Valletta.
And because the Times has no dignity and does not deem itself to be much more than a glorified notice board, Michelle Laidman from Canada obliges by sending in a letter that looks like the prelude to the kind of dramatic reunion one might otherwise find on the Ricki Lake Show. As if she weren't writing to a serious (ahem) national newspaper she starts out with:
"Hi Nadine. It's been about 10 years since we've been in contact. So much has happened in my life as, I'm sure, in yours."Against all conceivable odds, the image on the euro debate rolled on with tedious inexorability into Thursday with no less than five letters on the subject. Albert Ellul of Zurrieq, for example, "just cannot understand the fuss being made against the proposed image of the Baptism of the Christ on one of the euro coins". Which is presumably why he is one of so many to send in letters in support of the idea. His argument that dollar bills have the invocation "In God We Trust" written on them had already been put forward by Censu Galea in Australia on Monday and was subsequently rebutted on Friday by Joseph Bonnici from Rhode Island. If anyone could follow that sequence, they might have divined the fact that The Times's international readers appear to have the finger on the pulse better than people inside Malta do.
If one were to look for positive signs in The Times's utter lack of discretion in publishing the letters of all and sundry, it might be that they hold freedom of opinion in too high esteem to contemplate not doing so. So, while some newspapers are stupidly offensive, The Times can proudly claim to be offensively stupid.
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Against my better judgement, I must pass some comment on this snippet from Anthony Licari's latest influential column:
"A different category of admiring proofreaders have been suggesting ways I could improve my Francophile English. These include portly buxom sad chicks teaching English, high-browed doctored doctors from Transylvania and especially very lonely blogging introverts with a pinch of agoraphobia - at least. I will try to cooperate - while you excuse my French."I too have studied at three prestigious universities (two of them British, I might add), so I feel that I am within my rights to give some tips on how to write cogent and comprehensible English prose. When writing about something, will the author please not be so self-important and presumptuous to assume that everybody, or anybody, will have the slightest idea what it is that he is repining about. "Portly buxom sad chicks" indeed! And has he fallen out with commas or what?
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