Sweet Dreams

If mere mortals are deserving of a little pampering, then what concupiscent luxury should one of Malta foremost diplomats be allowed to lavish upon himself. The answer, as In-Nazzjon has discovered to its misfortune, is not safe to venture into. The diplomat in question is none other than that who the common man must cautiously refrain from insulting in any way, lest a lawsuit direct itself in the direction of the offending remark: His Excellency, Richard Matrenza.
It must be said that never has a finer man represented his country. Not for a moment could anyone suggest, to paraphrase T.S. Eliot, that he is quiet and small, that he is black, from his ears to the tip of his tail; that he can creep through the tiniest crack, that he can walk on the narrowest rail; that he can pick any card from a pack, that he is equally cunning with dice; that he is always deceiving you into believing, that he's only hunting for mice. Indeed were "[these allegations] presented as [facts], it [would be] up to the defendants to prove the truth of their allegations."
As in the case of the Towelgate, in which Matrenza was maligned for spending a paltry Lm1,687 on sheets and towels, the offending journalist would be compelled the prove the truth of the allegation that he is cunning with dice. After all, the pejorative implications of cunning could certainly lend themselves them to hugely libellous inferences for a high representative of the Maltese government. As for creeping through tiny cracks, the less said the better.
So let's make this quite clear, Lm1,687 is about the most perfect sum of money that could be spent on bed linen for four bedrooms, three bathrooms and two lavatories.
Consider, for instance, that eight king-size sets of White 'Bed by Conran' Measure Fitted Sheets will cost £360 sterling. Four King-size John Lewis Hungarian Goose Down Pillows will cost another £360. Four John Lewis Hungarian Goose Down Duvets then set you back another whopping £1120. And so on. You get the picture.
Imply, suggest, or insinuate that Hungarian Geese were not necessarily the only alternative and you will be directed to the logic above. Prove that "the purchases were unnecessary" and you're laughing. But frankly, only a communist or a pederast could be so base as to suggest that Richard Matrenza, perhaps the most imposing statesman since the age of Charlemagne, should sleep in four "completely bare" bedrooms of the official residence. Only a sick mind could contrive to imagine that Matrenza should have bought some of his bed linen and towels at Marks and Spencers, where only African and Belarusian diplomats are content to do their shopping.
Another day of Maltese justice is over, and Matrenza gets an extra Lm600 to stuff his cushions with.